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A duck hunter, proud of his marksmanship, took his son out one morning to
witness his skill. After some time a lone duck flew by.
"Watch this," whispered the dad, as he took careful aim and fired. The duck
flew serenely on.
"My boy," said the hunter, "you are witnessing a great miracle. There flies
a dead duck."
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It was the first time he had ever seen
the sport so he sat quietly.
The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run, Run." This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scotsman was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run man, rrrun!" Everyone around him started laughing. So the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. A friendly fan, seeing the Scotsman's embarrassment, leaned over and said, "He can't run - he got four balls." The Scotsman then stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man...walk with pride!" |
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing
up to play racquetball.
Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club." |
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This guy goes to the Superbowl. His seat
is in the nosebleed section but that's ok - he's at the Superbowl.
So he starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars and sees a guy about 5 rows off the field on the 50 yard line with an empty seat beside him. This is driving him nuts so, finally, at half time he goes down and asks the guy why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location. The guy says "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago but unfortunately, she passed away". "Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", the other guy says, "but why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?" The other guy replies: "They're all at the funeral." |
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